Reflecting to Focus - #1

Who? What? How?

When I was a child, they called me, ‘Miss Have-a-chat’. I wasn’t really sure what it meant, but I liked the idea that I was kind of like one of those, ‘Little Miss’ books. I was told I could talk under water (I could), I was asked if I ever stopped talking (I didn’t) and then sometimes was told to just, ‘Shut Up!!!’ (I did)…for a moment, before asking if I could just add one more thing.

Talking has always been something I enjoy, giving speeches any chance I got, thinking of the best stories to tell, interrupting others to tell my story if I thought mine related even a tiny bit.

Decades later and I have now been diagnosed with ADHD and it all makes sense! What this has done for me though is helped me realise the power of communication, when to speak, when to listen, when to clarify, when to ask questions and when to just be silent. As difficult as that can be for me.

When I was in my early 20s I spent 5 summers working at an American Summer camp and it was there that I really began to understand the way you communicate, and what you think is ‘good’ communication, can be judged and interpreted very differently by other people.

I had always been aware that other people were watching or listening, I grew up in a relatively small town and my parents always liked to remind me that no matter what I did or where I was, there was always someone who knew me that would, ‘know what I was up to.’ But for some reason, I still always thought that what I had to say was important and of interest to others. I look back now and remember the glazed over looks people would give me, they didn’t stop me talking though, so I figured they were enjoying what I was saying.

My first summer working at the camp we had a week long orientation where we needed to participate in a number of team building and communication activities. I thought, ‘Perfect,’ I had been school captain so I knew how to be a leader and work with people and I wasn’t scared to speak in front of others. I knew they would love me, and as my mind ran away, I thought maybe they would even promote me there and then! During orientation!

…I was wrong.

Our group was sat down and asked to evaluate our performance. Did we think we did well? Did we work together to solve problems? Did we listen to one another? Did we make everyone in the group feel included and like they were a valued team member? I really only remember laughing a lot, talking over each other and we really needed a lot of guidance to complete the task.

I was mortified and angry. They hadn’t explained it properly, we were just trying to make it fun, it wasn’t about completing the task, it was about getting to know each other and enjoy ourselves. That’s what camp was about right?!

Upon reflection, I realised I had completely missed the point of the task. But through that, I had my first real understanding of the importance of ‘effective communication.’ From then, I found it so interesting observing the way people in group settings communicate and the impact it has on how well they work together.

 “Clarification is a two-way street...”

Clarification is a two-way street but people don’t always realise this. Whether it is the instructor at the gym, a facilitator in a course or a teacher giving instructions, I am happy to ask those clarifying questions. ‘What exactly did you mean by this?’ ‘What are we meant to be working towards through this task?’, ’What does that word mean?’ And while I used to feel silly, it enables the group to move forward more efficiently and effectively because we are all on the same page. And I know, I am not the only one with those questions.

I think that some people feel that clarifying things can either make yourself look like an idiot by asking the question, or that you are treating others like idiots by being so direct or basic. However, if all group members embrace the power of ‘clarification’ then people can get to work more quickly, feeling confident they are on the right track.

Throughout these pieces I am hoping to shed some light on what supports effective communication, problem solving and team work in a group setting. We all come from different backgrounds, different upbringings, different languages, different school systems, different everything. We are then plonked together in a school or sports team or a workplace and are meant to know how to just ‘get the job done.’ If we can learn to question and comment with an appreciation of those differences, we can move towards connection, communication and collaboration. Common goals of work places, teams or educational settings.

Future Focused Australia provides tailored team work and communication workshops where we build on the skills of your team members, highlight the areas of strength and focus on where we can go to make your team happier, more connected and more productive.

Reach out using the below contact points and we will be happy to answer any of your questions and start planning your next workshop.